Going back to your memories can be either a happy road to go down or one of those moments that you have tried to block out. This particular memory took place in ninth grade, last year, and I was very innocent and new to everything. Especially the rules in “talking” to guys and going out. This happened throughout November and October when I began texting him. He was named Joseph, a senior at Hialeah Gardens. I was head over heels for this guy, and thinking about it now I have no clue why. We continued to talk for two weeks. Then decided that he was going to hold my hand at school the next day. It was suddenly the next day, and to say that I was nervous is an understatement. The whole day I was anticipating the moment he was going to scoop it up, lunch came around and he found me at my regular table. He sat close and slowly grabbed my hand, from the corner of my eye I can see my niece smirk like “finally”, I just rolled my eyes.
When it was time to go we walked towards his group of friends, and while we walked I inspected the situation. Did I really want everyone to see me holding this guys hand? Why did it feel so weird? This is kind of uncomfortable. What snapped me out of my trance was when his group of friends hollered and cheered when they saw us together. Like any other 14-year-olds instinct when they are nervous, I ran. I quickly let go of that hand and dashed out toward the stairs by the library. All you can hear behind me was Joseph hollering,
“Sarah I’m sorry”
I quickly turned around and said “no Joseph I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened”
“It’s okay, you were overwhelmed just tell me next time instead of running off like that“
“Can I hold your hand again Sarah?”
“Yes you can,” I said this with a slight smile on my face, but in all honesty, in my head, i was like oh no, not again with the sweaty hands walking together.
I don’t know how people do this. There are so many ways to hold a hand, and I naturally over think things so I kept fidgeting. This scenario went on for a week, and slowly I started to get used to it. But then the day finally came, he asked me out on a date. He decided we were going Ice Skating because he thought it was fun, keep in mind I don’t know how to skate and at the end, I found out he picked the location on purpose because he knew he was good at this. Great, I was going to make a fool out of myself. I had the perfect outfit, and was actually very excited to go on my first “date”.
My mom drove me to the rink and there he was sitting in the front entrance looking for me. I was again, very nervous, actually I was anxious because I didn’t know what was waiting for me on the other side of those doors. I did pay for myself because in my head I was already thinking with the mentality that if this doesn’t work out I won’t have to feel guilty afterward. So we were inside and I was already freezing head to toe and remembered that I didn’t even know how to put on skates. What the heck was I even doing there!
I got my skates and they ended up not being my size so I had to exchange them. Again weren’t my size, I was so embarrassed, how did I not even know my own size. Finally, he helped me put them on and lead me to the ice, slowly I stepped in and “whoop” I already almost fell on my face but he was there to catch me. We skated in circles with him holding my hand, and then I told him to go skate faster if he wanted to, that I was okay here holding the wall. As I watched him skate fast all around, I tried to do some of my own skating by myself. Big mistake. I took a few slides forward and BAM I fell straight on my toosh. My jeans were so wet, he quickly came and was helping me up when BAM, again I fell and this time took him down with me. I think that if my face was any redder someone would think that it was about to pop.
We skated around for a while, but time seemed to be in slow motion. And not because I was just enjoying every minute of it, it was the opposite I was checking the clock every five minutes only to see that it has only been one minute since the last time I checked. I was done, I wanted to go home. I assume that he sensed I wanted to take a break because he grabbed my hand and led me to the exit towards the concession stand. He bought us an elephant ear and sunkis, which was my least favorite flavor. He ended up eating the whole thing because I was just not in the mood for anything anymore
“So tell me about yourself, Sarah, I want to know more.”
“I’m not that interesting, so just ask me anything.”
“Okay, what do you like to do?”
“I love to travel, especially to Chicago.”
“Well, it goes way back to when I was small, long story for another time.” I wasn’t about to open up to someone so quickly. But he wasn’t shy.
“Family? Yea I get it I have some issues with my brother..”
“Stop, you don’t have to tell me now, let’s keep the serious talks for next time.” I felt the need to interrupt him I didn’t want him to open up to me for some reason. It may make me seem heartless, but I thought that if he opened up it would be only fair if I would open up too and I didn’t want to.
“Let’s go skate a bit more before we go, Yea?” I felt the need to ask that so I can get out of any more questions.
“Yea lets go!”
We skated a few more times, around and around and around. Again time was not in my favor. Suddenly there was this moment where I lost my balance and he grabbed my waist and we twirled around a few times together. You know like one of those scenes from the movie when the guy saves the girl from falling and then they end up way too close and of course kiss. Well I wasn’t about to let that happen, so the first thing that came to my mind was to say “smooth” and quickly skate away from his grasp to the exit because I was ready to leave.
I called my mom and she was there in ten minutes, but Joseph apparently had forgotten to call his mother. So yes, I ended up offering him a ride, and it was the awkwardest 20 minutes of my life. He wanted to hold my hand, so I let him but tried to hide it as much as possible so my mom wouldn’t see it, it was a failed attempt. She saw us from the rearview mirror, I hid my face as much as possible. When we dropped him off, he was very polite opened the door for me so I can sit in the front now, and he said goodbye to my mom. And as he walked away I knew that my feelings for him were now, for some reason, close to none.
With this experience, I figured out that I was just not ready for a relationship, and that I am way to awkward around guys. I still need to find who I am to be able to date someone in high school, hopefully, I will be ready for someone in the future, and feel comfortable around them. One thing I know for sure is that I will never go ice skating for a date, we’ll I mean you know what they say never say never, but I can try.